Parents have sometimes been told or asked things that can be offensive,
insensitive, upsetting or even plain rude. For example:
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| Your baby is very little |
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| Did you have this baby so you could get the baby bonus? |
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| You’re young to be a mother! |
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| How lovely to have a grandchild! |
| I want to see the baby. I won’t wake her up I promise |
It is important for babies to experience their parents as competent experts. This takes time and lots of practice but happens more quickly when parents provide most of the care rather than letting others take over.
Nevertheless you need to find someone you trust to look after your baby so you can have some time off to get some sleep or see your friends.
Professional help from home visitors, counsellors or community nurses, might be useful for a while as you establish these relationships.
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| Using an assertive style, rather than being passive or aggressive is best |
| Passive |
Assertive |
Aggressive |
| Speaks softly |
States how they feel about a
situation |
Speaks over other people |
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Says nothing but feels resentful,
frustrated |
Gives a simple, clear, message
that might have to be repeated |
Attacks the other person verbally |
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Says/does what the other
person wants
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Is respectful of others |
Speaks in an irritable tone |
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| Avoids looking at people |
Speaks in a conversational tone,
using eye contact |
Stares at people in a threatening
way |
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| Values self less than others |
Values self as equal to others |
Values self more than others |
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| Does not have own needs met |
Usually has own needs met |
Doesn’t achieve a solution |
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| For example: “Oh OK” |
For example: “It would really help
if you would hang out that load
of washing.” |
For example: “You only care
about yourself, not about me and
the baby” |
