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The Things You Say and Do

 
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The things we say and the things we do can have a big effect on our partners, especially after the birth of a baby.

 
       
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How do you feel when your partner says or does the following? Answer any that apply to you.
 
  How come you haven't lost weight yet?
  I love you
  The house is a mess
  Can I help?
  Why can't you stop the baby crying?
  I like seeing you with our baby
  Can't you talk about anything but the baby?
  You look as though you need a rest
  Why don't you understand how I'm feeling?
  Don't worry about dinner, we'll work it out
  We have no time alone together
  This is hard work but we'll get through it together
  Whatever happened to sex?
  It doesn't matter if the house is untidy
  You're still going to the gym/footy/pub/golf and I can't go anywhere
  You are doing a fantastic job
  Why don't you come home earlier?
  Why can't you be more help?
  It's not your fault that the baby is crying
  How come you have to ask me what to do?

How do you feel when your partner says or does the following? Answer any that apply to you.
 
  How come you haven't lost weight yet?
  I love you
  The house is a mess
  Can I help?
  Why can't you stop the baby crying?
  I like seeing you with our baby
  Can't you talk about anything but the baby?
  You look as though you need a rest
  Why don't you understand how I'm feeling?
  Don't worry about dinner, we'll work it out
  We have no time alone together
  This is hard work but we'll get through it together
  Whatever happened to sex?
  It doesn't matter if the house is untidy
  You're still going to the gym/footy/pub/golf and I can't go anywhere
  You are doing a fantastic job
  Why don't you come home earlier?
  Why can't you be more help?
  It's not your fault that the baby is crying
  How come you have to ask me what to do?

How do you feel when your partner says or does the following? Answer any that apply to you.
 
  How come you haven't lost weight yet?
  I love you
  The house is a mess
  Can I help?
  Why can't you stop the baby crying?
  I like seeing you with our baby
  Can't you talk about anything but the baby?
  You look as though you need a rest
  Why don't you understand how I'm feeling?
  Don't worry about dinner, we'll work it out
  We have no time alone together
  This is hard work but we'll get through it together
  Whatever happened to sex?
  It doesn't matter if the house is untidy
  You're still going to the gym/footy/pub/golf and I can't go anywhere
  You are doing a fantastic job
  Why don't you come home earlier?
  Why can't you be more help?
  It's not your fault that the baby is crying
  How come you have to ask me what to do?

 

Learning from your answers

Learning to care for a baby and to manage a family and household is hard. We have no training and have to rely on our own family experiences, the media, and watching how other families do it. 

It always takes time to develop skill and confidence. Praise and encouragement help us learn; criticism or humiliation don’t. It is important to think about the ways in which we express our needs even if tired and grumpy. 

It is useful to practice giving some feedback to each other about both the good and the bad things that are said or done: "When you do / say ... I feel....."

This webpage last updated 25 March 2014.