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What We Thought

During pregnancy we all think about what life with a new baby is going to be like. We cannot really know this until we live it. Please think back to before your baby was born and mark the words that describe how you thought it was going to be.

Compare Dad's Answers Mum's Answers   1. During the pregnancy, how did you imagine you would feel after the baby was born?     I would feel...   Happy   Attractive   Healthy   Irritable and cranky   Strong   That breastfeeding is easy   That I would have lots of leisure time   Well supported   Defeated   Loving   The loss of my old life   Protective   Anxious   Glad   Grown up   Immediate love for the baby   That looking after the baby will be easy   Uncertain   Excited   Resentful   Lonely   That the house will be tidy   Constantly tired   Burdened by responsibility   Confident         2. Before you had the baby, how did you think your relationship with each other would be     once the baby was born? We would be…   Helping each other   Arguing more   A lot closer to each other   Spending time with friends together   Critical of each other   As attractive to each other   Exasperated   Sharing the housework fairly   Understanding of each other   Loving each other more   Needing lots of reassurance   More dependent   Supportive of each other   Jealous of each other   Keeping our sense of humour   Happier together   Proud of our achievement together   Disappointed   Spending more time together   Resentful of the baby coming between us   3. Before you had the baby, how did you think a new baby would behave?     I thought a new baby would …   Sleep a lot   Be easy to understand   Be content   Fit easily into our lives   Smile   Cry a lot   Recognise me   Interact with me   Be unpredictable   Feed easily   Be easy to care for   Be healthy   Always look beautiful   Be enjoyable   Be quiet   Be easy to comfort   1. During the pregnancy, how did you imagine you would feel after the baby was born?     I would feel...   Happy   Attractive   Healthy   Irritable and cranky   Strong   That breastfeeding is easy   That I would have lots of leisure time   Well supported   Defeated   Loving   The loss of my old life   Protective   Anxious   Glad   Grown up   Immediate love for the baby   That looking after the baby will be easy   Uncertain   Excited   Resentful   Lonely   That the house will be tidy   Constantly tired   Burdened by responsibility   Confident       2. Before you had the baby, how did you think your relationship with each other would be     once the baby was born? We would be…   Helping each other   Arguing more   A lot closer to each other   Spending time with friends together   Critical of each other   As attractive to each other   Exasperated   Sharing the housework fairly   Understanding of each other   Loving each other more   Needing lots of reassurance   More dependent   Supportive of each other   Jealous of each other   Keeping our sense of humour   Happier together   Proud of our achievement together   Disappointed   Spending more time together   Resentful of the baby coming between us   3. Before you had the baby, how did you think a new baby would behave?     I thought a new baby would …   Sleep a lot   Be easy to understand   Be content   Fit easily into our lives   Smile   Cry a lot   Recognise me   Interact with me   Be unpredictable   Feed easily   Be easy to care for   Be healthy   Always look beautiful   Be enjoyable   Be quiet   Be easy to comfort   1. During the pregnancy, how did you imagine you would feel after the baby was born?     I would feel...   Happy   Attractive   Healthy   Irritable and cranky   Strong   That breastfeeding is easy   That I would have lots of leisure time   Well supported   Defeated   Loving   The loss of my old life   Protective   Anxious   Glad   Grown up   Immediate love for the baby   That looking after the baby will be easy   Uncertain   Excited   Resentful   Lonely   That the house will be tidy   Constantly tired   Burdened by responsibility   Confident       2. Before you had the baby, how did you think your relationship with each other would be     once the baby was born? We would be…   Helping each other   Arguing more   A lot closer to each other   Spending time with friends together   Critical of each other   As attractive to each other   Exasperated   Sharing the housework fairly   Understanding of each other   Loving each other more   Needing lots of reassurance   More dependent   Supportive of each other   Jealous of each other   Keeping our sense of humour   Happier together   Proud of our achievement together   Disappointed   Spending more time together   Resentful of the baby coming between us   3. Before you had the baby, how did you think a new baby would behave?     I thought a new baby would …   Sleep a lot   Be easy to understand   Be content   Fit easily into our lives   Smile   Cry a lot   Recognise me   Interact with me   Be unpredictable   Feed easily   Be easy to care for   Be healthy   Always look beautiful   Be enjoyable   Be quiet   Be easy to comfort

Learning from your answers

Having a baby is a permanent life change and cannot really be imagined in advance. Most of us anticipate happiness and pleasure, but are less prepared for the inevitable loneliness, times of boredom and sense of being unskilled. We usually expect that other people will help more than they actually do and that it will be quite straightforward.

It can be helpful to think back to how we imagined it would be and then to think about how it actually is. The differences and disappointments give us hints about what to do. For example, if you feel lonelier than you had imagined, then it is time to build some new friendships with other families with new babies. You may also realise that some of your expectations come from your experience in your family of origin. This is important to recognise and discuss with your partner.