What were we thinking! promote confidence and reduce distress in parents with a first baby

But You Have a Healthy Baby

Whatever your baby’s birth was like, you may want to talk about it with each other and remember all the good and bad things that happened.


Learning from your answers

Women can remember the details of giving birth for decades afterwards. Everyone wants to have a healthy baby, but sometimes painful or frightening things happen during childbirth. Feelings about these may not disappear automatically when the baby is born. 

Both men and women can feel delighted about the baby and at the same time have quite separate feelings of regret or sadness about the baby's birth. It is okay to want to talk about these.

Being told 'but you have a healthy baby' is not helpful because it stops these conversations. It is helpful to be heard with patience and kindness, to remember together the good and the bad parts of the experience, and to be given reassurance and encouragement. Even if you do not want to talk about it, you might find that your baby's birth is recalled at unexpected times.